Futile Fanfiction #2: The Queen’s Revenge
Futile Fanfiction is back with another fanfiction that is futile!
Starting now, I’ll be reviewing one shots or short fanfictions.No offense,but I can’t deal with the long ones.
I’ll also be putting paragraphs and responding to them, so my viewers won’t have to do it themselves and cringe to death.The paragraphs from the fanfiction will be in bold and italics, btw.So no confusion happens.
Guess what I did? I searched up “tmnt incest fanfiction donatello” in Google just to find the first one that made me cringe.It happened to be “The Queen’s Revenge” by crazycatlady713.Who really likes TMNT.
“It doesn’t move like that, Case.”
“It’s called experimenting, Donnie.”
“It’s called being stupid. Put it back.”
With an eyeroll and an agitated sigh, Casey returned the black plastic piece from whence it came.
Teaching Casey Jones was proving a most arduous and frustrating task, and Donatello mentally sung the praises of Roosevelt High School’s faculty for the saint-like patience they undoubtedly possessed. He rarely listened and seemed to screw up deliberately in a childish attempt to rouse Donnie’s ire who, more often than not, wanted nothing more than to throttle him.
The extracurricular activities however, made it all worthwhile.
“How many times do I have to tell you?,” he continued. “A pawn can only move two spaces it’s first time.”
Casey tapped an index finger against his chin as he considered Donnie’s admonition. “Yeah, that makes sense. I seem to recall you coming twice your first time, too.”
“Pssh. You’re so immature, Casey,” Donnie retorted, though he couldn’t hide the heat that quickly rose to his cheeks at the reminder of the auspicious event. “Now will you please pay attention? You may actually learn a thing or two.”
“Like what? How to die of boredom?”
“No, smartass. Like how to strategize and keep your wits about you while in the midst of combat.”
Um…wow, never thought I see the day where Donnie would “smart ass”.I mean, it’s like this comment was from Raphael in disguise.I know people can snap, but damn. ._.
“Eh, I already know all that junk. Watch.” With that, Casey quickly moved his rook into position and claimed Donnie’s queen. “See? While you were busy preachin’ I was busy plottin’, and now I got your M.V.P. Now watch what we do with the spoils of war over in Jones Land!”
He plucked his own knight from the board and pounded it violently against the captured white queen. “Oh yeah!,” he squealed in a ridiculous, high-pitched falsetto. “Give it to me hard with that huge horse cock, Sir Cums-a-Lot! Ooooh!”
Suddenly, Casey became dirty minded and a teenage boy in heat.
He then lifted his bishop into the air and held it aloft before him. “You want in on this too, padre? I bet you’re sick of fucking altar boys, huh? ‘S alright, I hear ya.” Looking his opponent squarely in the eye as he slammed his pieces over and over again onto the queen, Casey smiled smugly. “How you like my strategizin’ now, Donnie? I call this little military maneuver the ‘Eiffel Tower’, heh.”
“I bet you’re sick of fucking altar boys”
“I bet you’re sick of fucking altar boys”
“sick of fucking altar boys”
Nonplussed, Donnie calmly retrieved the pieces from Casey’s grasp and returned them to their vacated squares. “Stop sexually assaulting your P.O.W.s and play the damn game, would you? And your troops are in flagrant violation of the Treaty of Westphalia, by the way.”
“Heh, good to see you taking losin’ so well.”
“Uh, who says I’m losing?”
“The growing number of your pieces now in my possession, that’s who,” Casey answered, running a hand over the pile of white chess pieces before him.
“You’re awfully sure of yourself. What if I were to propose a little wager?,” Donnie asked, placing a hand on a scabbed knee peaking tantalizingly from a hole in his lover’s torn jeans.
“If I win, I do whatever I want to you. And if you win, you do whatever you want to me. How’s that sound?”
“Sounds like a win-win to me,” he responded, extending his hand. “Let’s shake on it.”
Taking the hand proffered him, Donnie pulled him in close. “I knew you’d say that.”
He sidled over to Casey’s side and kissed him deeply, cupping the back of his head with one hand and sliding the other up the worn and faded denim to rub against his inner thigh. Closer and closer he crept towards his beloved’s bulge, which sprang instantly to life beneath his touch.
Did April suddenly die? Or, should I say,not exist? Like, how did Donnie suddenly become gay? Or Casey? I’m pretty sure April is a perfect example on just to show that they’re straight.Besides that, they freaking hate each other to death.No love, or sexual intentions in it.It’s like Raphael and Leonardo.There is no way for them to be a couple in a cannon way.Not only are they brothers, but there’s a high sibling rivalry.I mean, look at all the episodes where Raphael rages because Leonardo is the leader.I mean, even though it should’ve been Mickey and Leo having sibling rivalry since the people who has their names which were artist did….but nice to not be generic, whoever created TMNT.
Not to mention that horrible translation.Oh, and the fact that the socially awkward “geek” is saying this.Yes, cause the person who couldn’t even make out a sentence to his ACTUAL crush without stuttering or blushing could suddenly becoming a lust-filled dominant stud.
I have to change traits to make my fanfiction! +1 (Term used when a fanfiction writer completely 360’s a character’s trait just for a excuse for their fanfiction to make even 2% sense.)
Casey,” he whispered into his ear. “I want you to take your clothes off. Tout suite.” “I think you’re gettin’ just a little ahead of yourself,” Casey said with a smile. “But who am I to argue?”
Watching him disrobe was a tempting sight that caught the attention of Donnie’s own member. It hardened uncomfortably from within his lower plastron as Casey tossed his clothes aside, finally bursting forth when the hockey player relinquished his skull-emblazoned boxers to the pile. The heady, musky scent that filled his nostrils then, an irresistible combination of sweat and sex, was so intense, so quintessentially Casey…it made Donnie’s already rock hard cock ache with desire, and he wondered for not the first time what he ever saw in April. Casey fell back against the well-trod throw rug, erection firmly in hand.
Yes, because April totally treats him like shit and is a nasty skank.I mean, it’s not like she tries to help him when he asks, or protects him, heck, even tries to be a little helper for him.And, it’s not like Casey hates Donatello with all the wrath in his soul.And Casey is not straight.I mean, how could you think that? It’s not like he was trying to get April to have romantic feelings for him.
I have to change traits to make my fanfiction! +2 (Term used when a fanfiction writer completely 360’s a character’s trait just for a excuse for their fanfiction to make even 2% sense.)
“You just gonna sit there lookin’ pretty or what?,” he asked, idly stroking his own dick.
“One can garner a variety of useful life lessons from the game of chess,” Donnie began, looking down at his anxious partner and gliding an adoring hand across his well-toned abs. “The first being patience.”
He took a moment to admire the boy’s beautifully defined body then; Those eyes, a deep caramel brown that stared longingly into his own, the silken black hair encircling each luscious nipple, the long, muscular legs spread in anticipation of what was to come. He descended with passionate fervor upon his length finally, a soft moan escaping Casey’s lips.
“King takes bishop,” Donnie remarked with a slurp.
“Mmmm. You can take whatever you want, your majesty,” Casey breathlessly remarked, his calloused fingers entangled in the tails of Donnie’s signature purple domino mask.
Donnie did just that and took his balls in a firm grip as he continued to suck, administering the occasional squeeze. Emboldened by his partner’s steadily increasing moans, he pulled the delectable member free from his mouth with a wet pop and hastily replaced it with the tender sack, soft as down. Casey’s thigh muscles tensed noticeably on either side of Donnie’s head as he bit down upon the sensitive region, gently at first, then again hard enough to elicit a yelp from it’s owner.
“Ahhh! What the fuck, Donnie!?,” Casey hissed through clenched teeth. “You tryna crack my fuckin’ nuts?”
“That’s no way to speak to your king, lowly serf,” Donnie said as he pulled himself up onto his knees. “Keep up this insubordination and you’ll be spending the night in the stocks.” He reached into the pouch at his belt that housed his smoke bombs and retrieved the small bottle of massage oil stored there.
“Ew, really?,” Casey remarked, his face contorted with mock disgust. “You keep that in with your ninja stuff? Slut.”
Said the guy who is about to preform a taboo because a girl won’t notice his feelings.
Oh the irony! +1 (Pointing to the term of a hypocrisy or statements that have to do with looking down of someone when so said down looker is doing the same or similar thing.)
“Second lesson,” Donnie explained as he poured the cherry-scented liquid onto his palm. “Preparation is vital to one’s success.”
“Eh, can’t argue with that logic,” Casey said offhandedly as he rose to assume the position on his hands and knees.
“No, wait,” Donnie said, planting a firm hand on the boy’s chest. “Stay on your back this time. I want to see you.”
Casey shrugged as he lay back down, and received an appreciative kiss for acquiescing so readily. He winced and shut his eyes tight as Donnie’s sodden fingertips breached his entrance, an image the genius relished. Watching the teenager writhe and pant beneath him, his eyelids flutter and his tongue dart out from between missing teeth to moisten dry lips as he was being fingered made Donnie feel powerful, made him want to fuck Casey till the teen cried ecstatic, transcendent tears like a devout disciple seeing the face of God…
“Ask me nicely to fuck you, peasant,” Donnie said suddenly, surprising even himself with the uncharacteristically aggressive command.
“Uncharacteristically aggressive command”
I’m dying inside.I really am.I can’t stop.This is the most ironic thing I’ve ever seen in a fanfiction.Lmao.Yes, this is the one thing that isn’t in characterization of Donatello. Not the sudden homosexuality, or hate love relationship, or dirty talking, or even lust.But this, this is the one thing out of characterization.
That’s pretty out of character; not the (insert bizarre NON-TRAIT that is believed to be in characterization) +1(Thrown into the review when the author, main character, or another character notices something out of place in a certain person’s personality besides the 500+ else wrong.)
“Pretty fuckin’ please with a cherry on top,” he responded sardonically.
At least there’s not basic words and the author has good vocabulary.
Thank you for that vocabulary.+1(When a author has good vocabulary, it helps to make it more serious and distract you if the writing is a bit cringy.)
Donnie hoisted his legs up, admiring the lovely ass he was about to ravage for a brief moment. He kneaded the soft white globes, which stood in stark contrast to the rest of his beautifully bronzed skin. Reeling back as far as he could he let fly a hard slap across a cheek, the sound reverberating all throughout the silent lair. He slapped the other cheek, harder this time still, causing Casey to gasp in response. He offered no further resistance however, prompting Donnie to slap the stinging, reddened flesh some more.
He leaned back after a while to admire his handiwork; the boy’s glorious backside a lurid patchwork of crimson-colored welts, like so many bloody handprints across a snowy landscape, was a perverse beauty like none he’d ever seen before. His cock practically vibrated in anticipation of wrecking his lover’s savaged flesh even further.
Bloody handprints? So he’s bleeding all over his Gluteus Maximus? And you think that’s a masterpiece; brutalizing a person to gore like features? Um…wow.
“Donnie, please,” Casey softly whined, his calves resting on Donnie’s shoulders quivering. “C’mon man, I need you…”
“That’s more like it,” Donnie purred, lining up the tip of his dick with the boy’s all too willing hole.
He rammed it in without preamble then, slamming over and over into Casey hard enough to make the boy’s entire body jolt from the impact. Pulling out almost completely only to drive it back in again, his fingernails leaving crescent moon-shaped fissures where they bit into his thighs. He leaned forward and placed both hands on either side of Casey’s head then, pounding into him as he bit down on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood.
Casey beat his dick furiously while holding the leg of the coffee table upon which the chessboard sat in a white knuckle grip, his eyes darting wildly about. He turned the air blue with obscenities as Donnie plowed into him, faster and deeper than he ever had before. His moans and Donnie’s churrs co-mingled with the wet, frantic slap of flesh upon flesh, shattering the once peaceful silence.
“Oh fuck, Donnie,” he panted, crossing his ankles behind his lover’s neck as he came. “God fuckin’ damn…”
And suddenly, their hatred for each other became love out of the blue.+1(It’s so awkward,having a pair going from trying to kill each other become bootiful yaoi but continuity doesn’t exist zzz!!!!!)
Finally, Donnie saw it; catching the scant light afforded the lovers by the room’s single lamp sat a single tear, shimmering in the corner of Casey’s eye. He watched as it slid down his face and melded seamlessly into the halo of dark tresses surrounding his profusely sweating head. He came hard then, emptying his load into the rapidly panting Casey with a roar.
Surprisingly, “melded” is actually a word and not a typo.
Thank you for that vocabulary.+2(When a author has good vocabulary, it helps to make it more serious and distract you if the writing is a bit cringy.)
Extricating himself from his lover, Donatello couldn’t hide the satisfied smirk that bloomed upon his face at the sight of Casey hastily wiping away his tears with the heel of his palm.
Ahab finally caught his white whale.
Who is Ahab? We’ll never know.
“You okay?,” he asked tenderly as he stroked his hair, Casey busily wiping the spunk from his chest with his discarded drawers.
“Your bo isn’t the only staff you know how to wield, that’s for damn sure,” he replied after a while, pulling on his tattered jeans and rifling through the front pocket for the crumpled pack of cigs.
Herr,herr,herr how funni
Donnie looked away as he blushed.
…Yes….this is the one thing that you should blush at.I honestly, not to be rude, but thought this was a troll fic when I first saw this.I just…couldn’t take this seriously.Even with the proper grammar and wise vocabulary bank, this is just so incorrectly cringy in plot and characterization wise that I felt woozy.In fact, had the grammar and vocabulary not be rich, I would’ve ignored this fanfiction and look for another one cause I would’ve confused this for a troll.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Casey continued, taking a long drag off his post-coital smoke. “I always get off when we’re together, but you’re always so calm and gentle, like you’re holdin’ back. This time was just…wow. Chess really brings out the beast in you, huh? Speaking of which, we should probably finish playing. Kinda forgot about it, actually.”
“The game ended a long time ago,” Donnie responded with authority. “I won.”
“Don’t you remember, Casey? That rematch that we TOTALLY did before we poked? Or, better said, had no point in being in this fanfiction if it wasn’t going to be mentioned ever again?,” Donatello asked and then stated, while looking at the mirror nearby to see what he’d become.
“…The hell you talkin’ about?”
“I’m talking about the third and most important lesson,” he said as he resumed his turn and retrieved a piece from the board. “Foresight.”
Bounding effortlessly over the paltry platoon came Donnie’s white knight, careening into the king’s square and sending the tiny plastic monarch toppling to it’s side with a dramatic flourish.
“Checkmate,” he said pompously.
“I demand a rematch,” Casey replied, a single eyebrow raised.
Donnie again felt compelled to simply sit back and stare at the glorious creature sitting cross-legged on the floor before him, at his tousled hair, the tight black jeans slung low on his narrow hips and the cigarette dangling precariously from the edge of his lip. He was a veritable modern day James Dean and ruggedly beautiful, though Casey would no doubt bristle at the compliment. And he was, Donnie knew, all his for the taking.
“That can be arranged,” he responded with a grin.
You see, this fails, yet succeeds in a weird way.The grammar, vocabulary bank, and description is very nice; crazycatlady713 made me feel like I was there.Even though I wouldn’t want to, it shows that she skills in descriptive and intelligent writing.However….she does fail in backstory and characterization.She needs to work better in continuity, especially cause this is from a show, and the history that characters have before we hear about their life in fanfiction.
Idk about writing, but she would make a good book editor or grammar teacher.Idk about literature in reading and essays and stuff, but defiantly in the part of descriptive ELA.Oh, and I mean teaching grammar or literature in college/universities,btw.
Really, though, she really sparks in grammar and descriptive writing! Just need to work on plot and characterization.
Btw, after the first futile review, I’ve been trying to seem nicer.After all, I seemed to review “Yandere Love” is a insensitive, bitter way.As of now, I will give equal positive, negative, and neutral thoughts on anything I review.After all; negativity isn’t the only way to review.
Oh, I’m in school now, so if I don’t post as frequently as I used to it’s cause I’m looking for high schools or doing loads of homework.
ciao (for real lel)
- Posted in: Futile Fanfiction
- Tagged: And suddenly, brothers equal yaoi lel, childhood ruined, continuity fail, cringe, fanfiction, I have to change a a character's trait to make my fanfiction, Incest, lemon, logic fail, Oh the irony, Thank you for that vocabulary, their hatred for each other became love out of the blue, TMNT, Turtles